The Natives Are Restless

In the name of all NDNZ and Indigenous Peoples, I claim this Information Super Highway as our NDN Manifest Destiny. You have now been DISCOVERED and CONQUERED! You may call me "Rants with a Fist." In order to receive your NDN name, you must keep your ears to the ground and listen for the galloping tirades of this Native daughter...

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Chief Justice, Chief Schmustice

Read this article by Alan Dershowitz about the late CJ Rehnquist. Thanks to Auntie E for sending it my way. You know, talking bad about the dead is just not polite, but telling the truth is different than talking bad. Talking bad would be to malign someones character. If what Mr. Dershowitz writes in his article is true, than it was CJ Rehnquist that maligned his own character by his own action and/or lack thereof.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

The Great White Father in Washington is a Dead Beat Dad

Sickening. Disgraceful. Embarrassing. Shameful. Just four words that are the tip of the iceberg as far as my feelings are concerned over the abandonment and complete lack of response of the federal government to the crisis in the South.
I am so proud of Kanye West for putting himself on the line and speaking from his heart. Even the leader of this country doesn't have the courage to do that.
Example of what Kanye was talking about:
What is the difference between a looter and a finder? Between lawless criminal savages and a survivors? Apparently, their color.
I'm still waiting for Bush to figure out how this was all the Evil Doer's fault. Then he will get back on his high horse, The Leader of the Free World, ready to fight off the Evil Doer's who made Hurricane Katrina with their Weapons of Mass Destruction. If you need a moment of clarity in all this mess, perhaps watching The Daily Show (choose the video titled "Bush's Timeline") might remind you of why the BUCK stops at the Oval Office.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Ever feel like doing this to someone?

Yeah, me too.

Friday, September 02, 2005

What the FLIP????

According to
Unfortunately, I left my soapbox in the car, so I'm just going to say a few choice words about the article linked above. I know it's Labor Day weekend and we are all busy making our donations to the poor, devastated oil & gas companies who have fallen victim to Hurricane Katrina, but I think it's important for us to not loose sight of the thief who is constantly lurking in the shadows behind us. Talk about looting and lawlessness.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Coming Soon To a Theatre Near You: The Bureau of White Affairs

PART A of the Conversation:
From: White Girl Gone Wild
To: Rants With A Fist (I have used total editorial and poetic license in, editting, formatting and composing this posting)
WGGW: I have a dream…where cool ass white folks, like myself, who are down with the brown, can earn merit badges for successfully surviving and learning from culturally relevant models that serve to breakdown and decolonize the white mind, in effect deconstructing our "crackerdom". For instance, I think I have undergone some sensitivity training that I deserve credit for. I could have earned a merit badge from Home Fry after undergoing the "What the hell do you think Thanksgiving is? You are a 'Loosiana Cracka'" Episode. I also think my time in the jungles of Portugal and Ecuador qualifies me for the Citizenship of the World badge. Another badge I am dying to get my hands on is the coveted Den Mother badge for always being vigilant in my support of the Queer Nation. And after renewing my connection with you and being included in this NDN Country blog, I believe I am ready to fulfill my vision.
You see it is a total pain in the ass for someone who already has copious credits in Down-ness, such as myself, to have to constantly prove myself. The merit badge system would be a way for those of us who are already culturally partially decolonized to be able to start off at a factor of 50% Down-ness and work our way up, instead of always erring on the side of caution having to start at negative you- must-be-a-land/language/culture-stealing-crickle crack man-full throttled-imperialist-scum every single time.
I tried explaining this theory to a friend of mine, The Man They Call B, and he was like, yeah that sounds good and all, but we can't do that. This depressed me so I asked "Why not?" and he goes "Come on now, you know your little skanky brethren would be cookin' up fake cultural merit badges left and right and frontin' bar codes of decolonization that they just paid for to be Down." Needless to say, this served to only infuriate me further at the inability of my people to rise up and become truly Down With the Brown.
Part B of the Conversation:
From: Rants With a Fist
To: White Girl Gone Wild
RWAF: So in consideration of your idea for merit badges for white folks who are Down With the Brown, I propose this: How about a Federal Bureau Of White Affairs?
Those that are Down, get to be federally recognized and be enrolled and have "cool" privileges (such as their "cracka" status gets revoked). Those that are not Down, cannot be recognized and cannot receive any cool points (in fact, their "cracka ass cracka" status limits them to live in special reserved lands called Trailer Parks, where they are forced to eat canned foods, wear wife beaters, tight jeans, high tops with no laces, and mullets and live in 1970s trailers with no air conditioning and bad plumbing.
Those that were once not Down, but learn to become Down, can trace their lineage through descendancy and if they can prove that they are at least a 1/4 Down, they can be enrolled, but they won't get any voting privileges. Furthermore, their Down status is subject to termination should they ever be caught biting their lower lip while dancing, wearing patchouli, or listening to the Back Street Boys.
What do you think? Will this fix the "fake merit badge" problem that The Man They Call B has so rightly foreseen? I mean, come on, there's white boys perpetrating color left and right (i.e. B-Rad, Malibu's Most Wanted, any number of fake self-appointed white Medicine Men and Women who somehow always find a publisher, and, really, what's with all the white girls fake n' baking and sporting braids and corn rolls?).
With the Federal Bureau of White Affairs, no one would ever fake an enrollment card because you can't get into bars with it or make it through airport security, even if it is a legitimate Federal government ID (like a passport). In fact, the best BWA Cops would be the Down white folks themselves because there is nothing they hate more than a None-Down person with a frontin' syndrome. And as we all know, there's no one better for watching non-Down people than reformed non-Down people.
Just so you know, White Girl Gone Wild, I am a trained professional advocate in Federal bureaucracy, and and I believe, after reviewing the evidence and historical proof, along with your current traditional practices, past personal precedence, and a concurrence by a cultural anthropologist from the National Museum of the White Man, that it is more likely than not that you will be allowed to enroll in the first category.

This Story Sounds Even Dirtier in My Language

Okay, so this sounds like a joke, but it just happened the other day and was so HILARIOUS, I thought I'd take a moment out of your day and my day to write about it. Please note, any similiarity to those living or dead is purely coincidental and all names and Tribal identities and traditions have been concealed to protect the innocent.
The Background: I have a sister who has graduated with honors from the Institute of American Indian Quick Wit and Nasty Tales. Her ndn name is Rosey Palmed Woman and she is comes from the Clamshell People of the Lowtide House. Her people are known for their warmth, hospitality, penchant for Vinegar and Water, and their Spring Rain Dances. All in all, she is a real "cochina" (thanks Palma for my Word of the Day).
The Story (and none too soon, I imagine): Rosey Palmed Woman was walking about the communal dome of her Village waiting for the rest of the Tribe to circle up so they could decide what to hunt and gather for lunch. Soon the people began to arrive and she and her cousins and friends began to discuss the Hour They Call Happy that was to take place at a mysterious place known as The Salty Senorita. La Isla Bonita, a sister from the Chicana Nation, asked Rosey Palmed Woman, "Do you know where the Salty Senorita is?" And Rosey Palmed Woman, with a question in her brow, replied "Between your legs?"

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Across the Great Divide!

Have you ever heard of Shel Silverstein? He wrote a series of childrens poems and stories. One of my favorites was about a circle that had a piece of a pie cut of of it, and it rolled through time, searching for its missing piece. Well, today, one of my many missing pieces found me! I can definitely say that this is one White girl who puts the F-U in FUN! She's an amazing singer/songwriter/musician. And to top of her over achievement, she is a righteous human being, full of indignation, good stories, and an extremely overactive rhetoric gene and she is definitely down for the brown! Check her out at Fairchild's Parlour.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria Sail AGAIN!

Who really understands the massive amount of news coming out of the Mideast these days? With all the bullshit that continues to happen within the US, I find it hard to devote much attention to the trials and tribulations of other countries lately. But I did manage to catch something that may be of interest to many Native Americans. Israel is removing its settlers from the Gaza Strip. What does that have to do with NDN Country you ask? Simply, THAT IT CAN BE DONE!

"The settlements must be evacuated; the settlers cannot remain," Vice Premier
Shimon Peres said Sunday, addressing Israeli troops as they made final
preparations for the pullout. "I understand there are strong emotions … but they
cannot override a national consensus." See the rest of the article at Israeli Begins Gaza Pullout.

Back in the early 90s, I was asked by a fellow student what it was exactly that Native Americans wanted? Did we really want all the white people to get back on the Nina, Pinta, and the Santa Maria? Honestly, what was I supposed to say? No? I said that it wouldn't be a bad place to start in the negotiations. He didn't seem to get my humor. Then he asked if I thought that a mass forced removal could realistically happen (I didn't point out the irony of his statement because he seemed like he was barely hanging on to the conversation as it was). At the time, I did feel it was a challenge, but a girl can dream can't she? But now, here's hope amidst the ashes...